Can we talk about how Armin does the best job of getting that cloak on?
God fucking Dammit Eren
Jean are you fucking kidding me
IT’S BACK ON MY DASH AGAIN AND I WILL STILL SAY DAMN IT EREN
SHINGEKI NO DAMMIT EREN
The Pallas´s Cat, also called Manul, is a small wildcat living in the grasslands and steppe of central asia.
It is named after the german naturalist Peter Simon Pallas, who first described the species in 1776.
THIS IS ME AS A CAT
You’re gonna say “It is named after the german naturalist Peter Simon Pallas, who first described the species in 1776,” but not tell us how he described it?? Probably went something like this:
"Imagine the fattest cat you can, basically all fur covered tum and torso. Then imagine… hmmm. Goofy faces? Like, if the cat were your fun uncle meeting a baby for the first time and trying to get the baby to crack up laughing. So yeah, a tubby, goofy, uncle cat. That is brownish. Name it after me, I’m awesome."
Seriously…I fucking love them. Ugh.
They have been my favourite for…forever. I will never not love them…Yesyesyesyesyes.
Black Kids and Two Door Cinema Club are like…both a very, very, very close second to Phoenix. I fucking love Black Kids and Two Door Cinema Club. They are the fucking best. I think I might love Black Kids a little bit more just because of the band members…the band members in Black Kids are just absolutely fucking fantastic. I fucking love them.
I also really, really love (in order from greatest to least)Vampire Wekend, The Whitest Boy Alive, Foster the People, Franz Ferdinand, Modest Mouse, The Killers, Passion Pit, Cut Copy, Starfucker, The Postal Service, MGMT… … .
Indie is my favourite non-EDM genre. I listen to Indie almost as much as I listen to EDM.
Received the cutest kandi to end off festival season…I can’t help myself when it comes to glitter!
So, I finally opened up to my psychologist about something that I have never spoken aloud to anyone before in my entire life. I have tried to tell people this many, many times…but I think I’m finally ready to open up about it. I’ve actually told people and then laughed about it and denied it. I’ve even lied and directly stated things like “No, I’ve had a great childhood compared to other people, blah blah blah, etc etc etc. So I have no reason to complain. Etc etc etc.” I’m sure you’ve seen my past posts saying things like that. I’ve made many posts like that. And I’ve said many things like that…to my closest friends, to my psychologists (all of the handfuls of psychs I’ve seen), to my doctors, to teachers who questioned me when I was way, way younger, etc etc etc…
Well…I finally FINALLY opened up about it.
It was the one thing I was TERRIFIED to speak up about. The one and only thing I didn’t want to talk about. Ever. The one thing that I was told to never talk about. I didn’t know what the consequences would be if I told someone. Especially someone professional.
I’m still very uncomfortable talking about it…VERY uncomfortable.
But…I’m proud of myself for finally opening up about it. And she took it well. And everything went exactly the way I wanted it to. So now I know it is safe for me to talk about it openly with my psych and other people.
I’m still very very very uncomfortable with the word abuse. I don’t like that word and I don’t like using it…I try not to use it. It feels like a…cop-out word. Idk how to explain it. Idk. It just feels like an attention word, almost. And I don’t like it. Sure, I love attention. But that is the number one thing I am trying to avoid when I talk about this stuff because it is extremely uncomfortable for me to talk about this. But my psychologist encouraged me to talk about it…so here I am. Talking about it.
Now, spanking, of course, isn’t “abuse”. Even if it was with a leather belt all the time. Neither was getting my mouth washed out with dish washing soap all the time. Neither is getting slapped/smacked across the face. Those are normal everyday punishments that everyone goes through for misbehaving when they are a kid. I even think maybe getting dragged by your hair and literally thrown in your room or the laundry room or a closet and put in a “time out” for an indefinite amount of time is kinda normal. But the rest of everything else, I GUESS< could be considered as such. I’m not entirely sure, to be honest. My whole perception is so goddamn warped and skewed from all the manipulation and brainwashing and severe sheltering my parents forced on me while I was growing up. So I was lead to believe that everyone went through the same exact things I was going through and that it was just some unspoken rule that no one was allowed to talk about it. It wasn’t until much much much later in my teen years that I found out this wasn’t true. The only thing that I know for sure that wasn’t normal was the ice box. And MAYBE the whole getting severely punished every time I showed any kind of emotion thing, too. Idk. I really don’t know, to be totally honest.
But…I told my psychologist today in our session. And I’m proud of myself. Because it took every single ounce of courage I had in my whole goddamn existence to tell her even the bare minimum of these things. I mean…it took absolutely everything I fucking had to speak of these things aloud. But damnit I told her! I fucking told her. I told her. I TOLD HER. I told her all by myself. And I’m going to go more in detail next week with her. And it’s all thanks to drugs! Thank you, roxys and lortabs!! Fuck, I love opiates! They get me so goddamn high that they enable me to talk about my deepest darkest secrets that I have spent 22 years holding inside me! Sure, I haven’t gone into full detail yet, but I’m going to be downing the same dose (if not even a HIGHER dose) next session so I can go into even further detail with her and tell her more! Because speaking it aloud…was SO fucking liberating!!!! Having someone FINALLY know! Someone in person…having someone sitting across from me…there to hear me…hear the pain in my voice…see my body language while I talk…hear my voice quiver and hear me hold back the tears…see me claw at my skin and pull at my hair… see me bite my lower lip while my eyes flick frantically around the room under furrowed brows…watch me chance a glance up to them with helpless, pleading, terrified, glossy, wet, pained eyes…begging them to understand with just a look. . desperately reaching out for a hug…craving compassion that I’ve never felt from an adult. That was the best feeling in the world. Especially when she did hug me at the end of our session…
But yes…I did FINALLY tell someone. I finally fucking told someone. I finally stopped lying about…finally stopped pushing it off…changing the subject…turning it into something else…finally stopped saying “just kidding” or something else along those lines…finally just owned up to the truth…FINALLY just told it how it is.
And I am so goddamn proud of myself.
So goddamn proud.
Because no one would ever know unless I told them…since my parents are so utterly obsessed with family image…they are the “perfect parents” if you meet them. And they were trying to be good parents for a few years a couple years ago. But now they’ve stopped trying, it seems. Still try sometimes. But not all the time like they used to. But they are obsessed with family image, like they’ve ALWAYS been…so they are the “perfect parents” in front of others. Makes me sick.
But…I’m proud of myself. Very proud.
Don’t get me wrong. I love them. I do. I just… it’s just…idk.
It’s hard to explain.
And I have a fever of 102.9 and I’m very, very, VERY sick and on a LOT of meds and I’m very, very, VERY high coz I took a LOTTA drugs on TOP of the meds…so I’m VERY surprised that I was able to write this…and even more surprised that this came out coherent. This did come out coherent, right?
I gotta stop here. My mind is getting too fuzzy.
Point is…I’m a proud kit. c: Yay me!
Therapy was damn good today!
Also found out that there may be a way for me to get my anti-psychotic (Abilify) for only 25 dollars a month! Just gotta talk to my doctor and do a little research!…after I take a nap… . .
Leave me messages, please! <3
Love you guys! c: <3
Nothing like taking derpy photos in HD omg <3
Some of the new necklaces that will go up for sale tomorrow night! Also this is the last weekend to get 3.00$ off a 10.00$ order or more with the coupon BACKTOSCHOOL14 (^з^)-☆
If you mean in my binder and boxers, sure…but uh…naked???? Hell no. Lmao. There is no fucking way I would ever ever ever ever ever take nudes in the history of forever. I mean…I take pictures where I have nothing on but you can’t see anything/can’t tell at all. But even that is super super super rare.
Trust me, though, you don’t want to see a majorly pale, fat, short, little boy with surgery scars and self injury scars and fresh cuts all over him. :/
Honestly, just be yourself.
If you’re yourself, I’ll either like you or I won’t. But if you’re 200% you, that is one of the most attractive things a person can do…is be themselves.
I love a person who is honest and straightforward and blunt and direct with me. If you’re someone who does NOT beat around the bush and who just gets directly to the point with me and holds NOTHING back…oh god, I find that SUPER attractive! If you’re someone who is NOT scared to just be yourself and show me who you are, I find that extremely alluring. If you’re someone who is confident, that makes me super attractive. If you’re borderline cocky (but not TOO cocky), that makes me attracted to you. This is kind of a really weird thing but if you are NOT paranoid and are very sure of things, that is a HUGE turn on for me. Like…MAJOR turn on. Because since I am paranoid schizophrenic…and had a former diagnosis of paranoid personality disorder before we found out I was paranoid schizophrenic…having someone around who is not paranoid is like the most utterly alluring and helpful and attractive thing in the whole entire world. Like, that is just so dreamy. I could just watch you be sure of yourself and sure of everything all day. I’d just sit down and dreamily sigh at your positveness all day long. Hahaha.
Uhm, lessee. Someone who is honest. The second you lie to me, that’s it. I’m done. One lie and I’m done. Unless you have severe memory issues like me and own up to it immediately after. But you have to be able to PROVE your memory issues like I do/have. Otherwise I will cut you out so fast you won’t even be able to fucking blink. I don’t fucking deal with liars. No no no no no. Fuck no.
I need someone I can click with, as well. Someone I can just…hold a conversation with all day everyday and for it to feel comfortable with…the silences, the long ramblings, the excited parts, the sad parts, the boring parts, the fun parts, the serious parts, the planning parts, and everything in between! I need to be able to click with this person immediately! If it isn’t instantaneous, it normally doesn’t work out. I find that if my connection is not instantaneous with someone, I normally never get a connection with them at all…ever. It is either love at first sight for me…or it is never for me.
Physically…glasses. I have a pretty bad glasses fetish. Haha. Put glasses on just about anyone and I will instantly find them attractive. Chelle used to point out to me that every time I slapped her and would be like “CHELLE. CHELLE LOOK AT THAT PERSON. LOOK HOW HOTT THEY ARE. OH MY FUCKING GOD.” She would ALWAYS point out that they would be wearing glasses. Hahahaha. So, I soon discovered my glasses fetish. So they don’t HAVE to be wearing glasses, but it certainly helps if they ARE wearing glasses.
Physically…I don’t like the stereotypical redneck look. Like…just, no. If you dress and look and act like a stereotypical redneck, I will hate you. Also, if you act like a stereotypical chauvinistic straight white boy…I will hate you as well. Other than that, physically, it is all up in the air.
I’d like us to have some stuff in common, too, y’know…that’d be nice. :/
That’s all I can really think of, tbh.
Ombre coloured pink faded to blue Vans…Or Ombre rainbow vans or Galaxy Vans are my favourites…but I can’t find any good pics of those…
So here are my other favourites.
Does anyone remember rocket dogs? And oasis? And uhhhhm…fuck…there were other ones, too, but I don’t remember ‘em. Hmmm.