EDMazing

Listed my fetishes already. . at least, some of them. Lol.

As for my fantasies…hmmm.
I have a lot of rape-esque fantasies. Like I said, I want to be drugged or have my drink spiked and be coerced into drinking lots and lots and before I can realize it, I wanna be absolutely plastered and then not be able to control myself or my body and have them pretty much have their way with me while I’m drunk out of my mind.

I also have a fantasy (and this is STRICTLY a fantasy, something I want to role play…not something I want to legitimately happen) where I’m homeless or on the streets a long way from home for some reason and it’s freezing cold out and it’s raining and someone a good amount older than me (like, 10 years maybe) rolls up in a pretty expensive car and tells me he/she is taking me to their place for the night. And I end up getting kinda sick and they take care of me and they tell me to take off my wet clothes and sit by the fire in a towel so I do…and then while we’re talking, they get really aroused and can’t control themselves and just kinda… well, grab me and, despite my protests (however weak), they have their way with me.

I also have another roleplay scenario where I’m at a club and someone roofies me and takes me into the back alley and has their way with me…xD

I also have a kinda gory roleplay scenario… I want my dom to play a serial killer that becomes infatuated with me and stalks me every day. And then after they find out my exact schedule, they kidnap me on my way to somewhere and take me to an abandoned warehouse and suspend me with ropes tied tightly around my whole body. I want them to like…toy with me and mess with me. And cut me up and beat me. And force me to beg for mercy and force me to moan their name. And I want them to slap me and ball-gag me and basically beat me till I’m so breathless I’m on the verge of passing out. Then I basically want them to force me to come. Eep… .o/////o;; Then I want them to, like, break down right as they’re about to kill me and apologize and kinda have a mental break down and then SOMEHOW we end up taking a candlelit bath together with them massaging me and kinda tending to my wounds. (And then in my fantasy in my head, we become serial killers together and destroy the world…lol)

Uhhhhh.

UGH I JUST WANT TO BE DOMINATED AND CONTROLLED. ;A; Gah…idk. ;/////; I THINK THAT’S ENOUGH SHARING OH MY GOSH…/hides.

Yeah. :c /sigh. I did that for a really long time and ended up with a ton of fake friends because of it…

But after some really traumatic experiences, I decided just to be myself and, well, even if I am getting hated for it, I’m still getting a lot of love simultaneously so…it’s not all bad. :]

Like I said, I’m not saying. Lol. Because either way, I’m going to be judged and I’d rather just have people speculate and assume whatever they want then go out and say yes or no and have an onslaught of people messaging me about my answer. -shrug-

Oh jeeze. Lol.
Uhm. Well. Obviously I’m sure you all know I’m into BDSM and that I have a Mistress and a Master. Things that go with that; I love bondage, rope-play (being tied up in interesting ways), suspension (being hung off the ground while tied up), collar/leash (loooooooooooove being lead around on a leash!), knifeplay of course, …uhm, my favourite toy is a flogger. Ugh, loooooove floggers. I could be flogged all niiiight. Mmm. I like hot candle wax and whips. Restraints of any sort. Being dominated/controlled… I love being told what to do and then have them reinforce it. I like being humiliated by the person I love (anyone else does it, I cry…lol), I loveloveloveloveLOVE being degraded by the person I love…I like kittenplay (putting on ears and a tail and being in a cage or pretending to be a cat), Ball-gags… scratching, biting, being slapped, hair pulling…Ooo, choking. Ugh. I love being choked. Water play. Ugh, hot water turns me on so much….. Uhm. Basically being forced against my will and controlled. Those are some of my fetishes…lol. :x

Haha, that’s good. c:
I’ve met some pretty cool open-minded guys who do accept me for who I am, which is nice. I just wish everyone wouldn’t immediately hate me for being me…ahahh.

Oh no, that’s not mean at all. o: I’m sure quite a few people wonder this and I’ve been asked it several times.

I’m gender fluid; this means that I am both genders, but I identify as one a lot more often than the other. I identify as male mostly because that’s what I’m used to, but there are those days where I feel like a girl so I go out dressed as a chick. -shrug- So, to make things easier, I let people use ‘him’ and ‘he’ when referring to me just because, well…that’s what I respond to. :/ But if people were to say ‘she’ or ‘her’, I wouldn’t get mad or anything. I would just genuinely wonder whether they thought I was a chick or not.

As for what I was born as, that’s a secret.
I said this once before but I’ll say it again;
If I said I was born female and was trans, people would think of me differently. Not everyone. But I would be seen as female in the back of their minds because they would think that that was my biological gender and they wouldn’t be able to see past it. Not everyone, but most people.
If I said I was born male, people would still judge me. They would think I’m being way too emotional and that I look really effeminate and it would bother them.

So, either way, I lose. So I prefer not to say. Honestly, a lot of people irl don’t even know what I was born as. Only the people who are really, really, really close to me know that secret. But, eh, technically it’s not really a secret. Lmao.

But anyways. Yeah. Hope that helps. c:

Lmfao. Oh gosh, really? Ahahh. Yeah, a lot of people mistake me for a chick but it’s okay because I’m gender fluid. c:

I’m glad my gender didn’t turn you off…lmao. I woulda felt bad. xD

Oh my. Ahahahhh. c: No, I wouldn’t mind that at all…Lol.

I have a lot of borderline-rape fantasies and I have a LOT of fetishes…like, a LOT. Lol. So… I have pleeeeenty of fantasies that are like that. xD

Yeah…but at least they try. :/ I don’t even try anymore. Like, at all.
I mean, technically I /can’t/ try anymore and it’s not really my fault, but…fuck, idk. I still feel bad about it. Lol.

Yeah… I mean, I think we are just as emotional as chicks, but…the fact that chicks do express it more freely is what I’m getting at. Because I express myself a LOT more than most girls do…and, well, I know most guys are probably judging me and being all like “Lol, faggot” kinda thinking. And I mean…I was stoic as fuck and didn’t show my emotions all up through high school. And then in college, a TON of shit happened and everything just exploded and, frankly, I CAN’T hide my emotions anymore. Like, I HAVE to express myself or I’ll kill myself. It’s as simple as that. So I do. Because I want to live and I want to be happy, just like everyone else. And that gets me judged like crazy. Especially by males… and I hate that because I just want to be friends with everyone and I can’t really do that with people hating me for being myself… .___. Idk.

Ahhh. Well I’m kinda like that, too, and I know a few people like that and all I can really say for that is you’re going to think the drug isn’t working and you’re gonna wanna take more. Like, an hour is going to pass and everyone else will be tripping and you’ll just kinda be here like ‘…wtf…’ and wanna take more but holy fuck, DON’T. It’s still working it’s just…taking a lot longer. The temptation sometimes gets really annoying.

And right when you think that the trip isn’t gonna happen and you settle down to do something, BAM you get hit with it. Lmao. c:

Here; http://edmdma.tumblr.com/post/26198221923/video-explaining-a-bit-about-me-and-my-post

:x Nothing very interesting…just me talking for way too long while being really ugly with no make-up on and my hair all fluffy coz I just bleached the ends… ._.;

Mmmmmmnope. :x B-but thank you. Haha.

Eep. :x I apologize a LOT…like, all the fucking time. People get so mad at me for it. Lmao.

I also say “and like” a LOT. x___x;; I sound like a fuckin’ ditzy airhead… ;-;

Yeah, probably. :c Ugh.

Yes, indeed! My Mistress and Master are always so pleased with how I bruise because of my super pale skin. c: Hehe. And making them happy makes me happy.

Ergh. I never know how to answer this question because everyone is different. :c

I’d probably recommend DXM (in the pure form) for first timers…probably a little above the threshold dose. DXM is kinda a high school drug because it’s so easy to get and the trip is really mild and easy to control. But most people just end up chugging Delsym (which I could never do) and then they throw it up (like almost everyone does) and then they trip. I, personally, can’t do that shit. I can’t fuckin’ take a normal amount of cough syrup, nevertheless chug a half a bottle to a bottle or more of it. :c Plus, the fact that you normally throw up before you trip kinda freaks me out a little… But then I’d NEVER recommend triple c’s to anyone. Coz that can fuckin’ kill you…

Agh, I just dunno. :c I mean, x is lovely…and so is lsd…but some people don’t handle those well for a first time experience. It kinda varies on your body/mind/how you react to things. x-x;

/sigh.
Most girls like the “manly” guys…which sucks for me because I’m probably the most effeminate little bitch you’ll ever meet… .___.

Oh wow…gosh I’d die. I’ve had a blood transfusion before and it scared the fuck out of me. I don’t ever wanna go through that again…lol.

Yeah, I’m really ridiculously pale, too. Hah. Sometimes I wish I could tan, but…then I realize I’d look so awkward if I was tan. So…idk. Lmao.

I mean, Idk. I guess I’m kinda judgmental/bias on the whole emotional-ness thing because I’ve seen soooooooooooooooooooooo many females who are just…way too over-emotional. Which is hypocritical of me to say because I’m probably more over-emotional than any of them. But at the same time, it’s generally girls who are the emotional ones. It’s not a bad thing, persay, it’s just…idk.

In my opinion and what I was raised to believe, guys are supposed to be rather stoic and contain their emotions. Guys are supposed to be seen as “strong” and not show their emotions so that they don’t seem “weak”. I was raised like this and I was really different in the past, but then it all fucking exploded and now I can’t contain a damn thing anymore and I’ve become a total over-emotional wreck…lol. I just think it’s not how I /should/ be acting or how girls want me to act or something…and a lot of people judge me for it and…and idk.

Really? Not excessively though, right?
I’m excessively emotional…I just think it’s annoying as fuck and kind of borderline creepy… .___.;

Nah. They’re triangles about the size of my thumb-nail. Lol. I wouldn’t be able to down the liquid. My gag reflex is…ridiculous ever since my liver messed up and I haven’t a clue why. But it’s really been bothering me coz now I can only swallow up to three pills at a time. :c

Haha. Yeah but it’s normal for girls to be emotional. :c It’s just…fuckin’ weird for guys. Ugh. I feel so annoying and creepy.

I don’t really take my iron pills. I should and I’ve been instructed to, but I only take them when I’m feeling faint. I already have enough meds to take/worry about. Lol. Plus, I don’t like the idea of swallowing iron. Idk, it just weirds me out in my head…xD

Lmao. c: I’m not…ahahah.
I mean I am really really emotional but I find that to be a really annoying and obnoxious trait. Lol.

Erm…I mean, when I cut my thighs they tend to bleed quite a bit. Idk, though. I have pretty bad anemia so I can’t lose a lot of blood so I tend to cut in places that aren’t prone to bleeding a lot. :/

I’ll try. I’ll probably just take a fuckton of pain killers in a little bit… I need to be fucked up in some way or another. .___. Otherwise I’ll get super super depressed and suicidal and blahhh…don’t wanna be sad, wanna be happeh! c:

Heh heh. I’d love to get tipsy around you or maybe even drunk if my liver could handle it, oh my gosh.

One of my favourite fantasies (sexual fantasies) AND IDK WHY I’M SHARING THIS BUT I WANT TO BECAUSE IT TURNS ME ON LOL is someone like…forcing me to trip or get drunk. Like, spiking my drinks or something with drugs or alcohol and just forcing me to drink till I’m like…plastered and then like…them seducing me and having their way with me while I’m completely out of my mind fucked-up. xD Ahaahah.

Ohh, hello’s! Lol. c:
Thank you, thank you. I disagree, but thank you. c:

Mmmmmmnope. c: Lol.
Not gonna happen.

Ergh, no. Ahahahh.
I can guarantee you that I will never willingly put my singing up on the internet for everyone to hear/judge. No thank you. Ahahah. I’m very sensitive to negative comments, but I don’t want people to simultaneously lie to me.

I know what I’m good at and what I’m not; singing is not something I’m good at. Lol.

You are clearly out of your mind, anon. c:

Oh my gosh, yes! Lol. c:

I lovelovelove tripping with people; especially new people!! It’s like an intangible bond when you trip with someone for the first time and I loooooove feeling that! c:

Hmmm? .___. Who…what? /checks phone.
Sorry, sorry! I’m so bad at checking my phone while I’m on tumblr…I’ll try to balance that. :c

Oh noes. :c Anon, that’s awful.
Don’t do anything… use a rubber band on the wrist or go distract yourself. Whenever I feel like cutting, I beg people for asks lol or I go through tumblr and different tags and stuff or I rant on something elaborately since writing helps me tremendously.

But…honestly, if cutting helps, I’d say talk to your boyfriend about how it helps and how when you’re ready to quit on your own, you’ll ask for his help and guidance. But for right now, it’s something that helps and the other alternatives just aren’t nearly as safe. Maybe he’ll understand.

I think I’ll actually just dose on a bunch of pain killers right now so that I can’t drive…

askjfjhadkjfh GUYS. NO. Nononono. Ahahaahhh.
I do NOT sing unless I’m driving…lol. And even then I do it quietly! Agh…you do NOT want to hear me sing…lol.

Eep, thank you. c:

Woaaaah, no. Lmao.
My singing is not something that anyone wants to hear, trust me…

I…Idk. I might just stick to pain killers but…ugh, I want to trip so badly… . like, my whole body has that itching, craving feeling…and I can’t stop thinking about it…and my breathing keeps getting shallow and I …I don’t know…

Yayyyy. c: I wanna hear Chrissyyyyyy. Her voice is fucking ADORABLE.

Ugh, yay. I love drunk voicemails so so so much! c:

Oh goodness, no…nononono. Lol.

I mean, since I am musically inclined I can stay perfectly on pitch and I have good control, but…my voice really isn’t that great. :c Heh. I only sing in the car and (very rarely) in my room…so no one hears it unless I’m driving. Lol.