I… I can’t do it.
I seriously can’t do this.
The subject matter is SO simple but…but it has to do somewhat with psychological things. It’s an introductory sociology class that I need for my AA (because all the other courses in this category that I need to complete were strictly psychology classes and this one had the least amount of psychology in it) but…but I STILL CAN’T DO IT.
I know it’s pathetic but…but psychology literally makes me feel sick.
I HATE understanding the mind, I hate understanding anything about it and I want to be as far as fucking possible from all of it and I want to be ignorant on it at all.
And what is this class asking me to do?
FUCKING. ANALYZE. AND ELABORATE. AND COMPARE AND CONTRAST PSYCHOLOGICAL AND SOCIOLOGICAL THEORETICAL PERSPECTIVES!
The worst part is it’s SO. FUCKING. SIMPLE.
I could fucking do this work in my sleep but every time I try to…I feel ill and my throat clenches and I feel like I can’t breathe and the subject is suffocating me and when I go to look up information to get sources and such, it brings me to the point of tears because I’m so adamantly against all this bullshit.
I hate this. And I can’t fucking handle this class. I literally can’t.
But holy fuck, I don’t want to drop it because I need the credits and I’m SO close to my AA that I can fucking taste it and if I just get this class out of the way now, I won’t need to take it next semester (which should be my last semester).
I’ve been putting off the work for this class all week but it’s Sunday and I HAVE to do it before midnight today if I want to receive full credit and I just…I can’t.
This subject makes me feel sick and angry and depressed and it makes me all shaky and twitchy and I JUST WANT TO STAY AS FAR AWAY FROM IT AS I POSSIBLY CAN.
I don’t believe in ANY of this bullshit and I don’t want to know about any fucking proof that I myself can come up with and/or find from others to contradict my knowledge that this is all bullshit and none of this is real and psychology isn’t real and neither is sociology and…AND I KNOW IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD THAT MY THEORY AND THE FACTS SUPPORTING IT ARE WRONG BUT I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING ACKNOWLEDGE IT AND THIS CLASS IS MAKING THAT HAPPEN BY FORCING ME TO ANALYZE THINGS AND IF I ACKNOWLEDGE IT I SWEAR TO GOD I MIGHT JUST FUCKING SHOOT MYSELF COZ I CAN’T HANDLE THIS.
I just can’t.
I can’t fucking do this class.
I need to drop it…but I want/need the credits… … … .
WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!?
I honestly thought I could suck it up and deal with it just to get to the credits and ignore all the LIES in this class but no. No, I really can’t.
Coz there’s facts everywhere. And I’m a realist. And I cannot deny facts. And I’ve been avoiding the facts so that I don’t have to acknowledge them and so I can feel okay and feel better about myself and my existence here in this world…but no.
I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO DO………………..