|—||Trainspotting (1996). (via edith-sedgwicks)|
MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINEE 8D BE JEALOUS BE VERYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY JEALOUS.
Before the blood. c:
On a side note, it may not seem like it because I’m keeping my complaints on this to myself, but I’m really fucking beating myself up over the 6-7 pounds I’ve gained. Because Idk how I gained them. I haven’t changed my diet (except for the fact I’m now eating one thing a day as opposed to one thing every couple days). I’ve started running instead of walking. My clothes still fit the same. I look fat, but then again I always do… but I can feel it, too. And it’s really freaking me out to a point at where it’s rare that I sit down, even when I’m on the computer, and I’m always trying to do sit-ups and I’ve been attempting to purge but the panic attacks keep me from sticking my fingers too far back.
The other day I ran until I threw up.
So, since I can’t purge, I figured that’d be the best way because I can run and run and run and seemingly never get tired, even when I get side cramps. I’ve always been able to (hence why I loved being in track). But there does come a point at where my body is like ‘enough is enough’ and forces me to stop by making me throw up and get really light headed.
I’ve been running after I eat when I do eat, too, because then it immediately gets the food I ate out of me.
I figure this is much, much healthier than the severe anorexia I’ve been struggling with all my life because I’m actually forcing myself to eat one or two things per day, now. I set alarms on my phone so that I’ll be reminded because the drugs I take daily (opiates, heroin, dxm, etc) make me forget to eat. Whereas, before, I wasn’t eating anything for days at a time unless I was around someone who would notice and say something.
But…I figure since I’m actually eating now AND exercising more (started running instead of walking since I found my track shoes), this is much, much healthier than what I was doing.
And if I go for a run every single time I force myself to eat and run until I throw up, I’ll not only be minimizing the calories take in, but I’ll be burning the rest of them!
At least…that’s what I’m thinking…haha. I hope I’m right because this is an AMAZING solution and idk why I didn’t think of it before!
I’m really happy. And my stamina is skyrocketing from being at my parents house. Running up and down a mountain in NC in the 40-50 degree weather as opposed to running on the flat fucking sidewalks in Florida in 80-90 degree weather is making my lungs a LOT stronger and my stamina shoot up like crazy.
So I’ll be losing weight AND get healthier without changing…anything, pretty much. Except for the fact that I have to run longer to make myself throw up and for the fact that I have to run every single time I eat.
Ah, it’s such a good idea though!
I don’t know WHY it took me till I was 20 fucking years old to think of this. Goddamn.
I’ve also been using this really awesome app on my droid called Noom that lets you track the food you eat, tells you if it’s green, yellow, or red (good for you, okay for you, bad for you), gives you daily hints and daily tasks, keeps track of your weight progress by levels (you level up when you do the challenges it gives you and keep logs of your things), has a built in pedometer and tracks how many steps you walk a day versus how much you’re supposed to walk which is catered to your activity (doctors recommend you take 10,000 steps or more a day, I think it said), gives you daily hints from your weight loss coach on foods you should buy/things you should do/random facts about weight (like, did you know you’d have to walk 4+ miles to burn off the calories from eating a cupcake with frosting?)…ahhhh, this app is just AMAZING. And VERY helpful! To anyone who has a droid, I’d totally recommend it!
But…alas… I honestly feel like a fucking genius right now. c:
And I just ate a half a bowl of lucky charms so methinks I’m going to ignore my horoscope and go for a nice, long, vigorous run in the cold and hopefully throw it all up and feel better! C:
You probably can’t even understand me until I get super excited about 3 minutes in…but uhhhh yeah.
Random video about absolutely nothing… … .shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Ahahaha.
I’m fucking weird. And this is proof.
I’m gonna stop now coz I’m ranting a lot and taking lots of pictures because I’m happy, feel good, and feel like I look good right now. c: Hehehh.
Also, lost 6 pounds since the last time I weighed myself! Well on my way to my goal! 8D
I was trying to find a really simplistic/easy drawing style to pen sketch in…Something I could do in like… 10-20 minutes real easy-like. And I screwed up really badly. But whatever.
I think this is simple enough and I finished in about 12 minutes with a weird fuckin’ awful pen from the dollar store so…I guess this’ll work.
Go send her some love and go stare at the idiot who’s making a fool of themselves by not knowing the difference between your and you’re and hole and whole. Lmao.
Pretty please? c:
It’d make me really happy!
^^This. So much this.
Everyone in the EDM world is a family. And if you judge someone because they won’t take drugs at a rave, then you don’t deserve to be there.