Does anyone know of a legit site online to buy pain killers off of? Like…one that isn’t a scam?

(To be honest, I don’t really think one exists. All the ones I’ve looked at seem hella sketchy…)

But seriously? Anyone?

All the dealers in the area are dry until about next month. And I honestly can’t deal with not having pk’s for that long. So, as I’m obviously desperate, I’ve turned to tumblr for answers.

So seriously. Any suggestions would be really fucking rad right about now…

I hate how my entire body KNOWS when I’m going to come down off drugs now…like, it gives me warning signs and my whole mood abruptly drops about 2 notches from euphoric to just…happy.

And then it just slowly slips down to suicidal depression from there over the course of the next hour or two if I don’t redose…but I normally do redose unless I have something important going on the next day or ran out of drugs. But I have an abundance right now so… Guess I’m gonna redose like normal.

Goddamn.
It makes me depressed to think this is my life though.

When I first wake up and before I do anything else (including get out of bed), I pop pain killers. Every 2-3 days, I increase the dose coz the effect dulls every 2-3 days and I kind of have to.
About 5-6 hours after I wake up I normally start smoking heroin and if I have any extra drugs (like dxm or lsd or x) I pop those then as well. And then I sit and smoke heroin for …quite a while. Keep having to up that dose a small bit every 3-4 days, too.

And then when everything starts wearing off, it does it in phases. Pain killers start wearing off, then whatever else I took, then the heroin. But I normally redose the second the pain killers start wearing off.

I can honestly say I do not remember the last time I was sober.

I mean, it’s great and all but…now that I’m not noticing time passing by when I look back at the dates and numbers on a calander, I keep thinking “Wow, it’s been THAT long…?” and it’s just…kinda shocking.

Idk.
I don’t even know why I’m writing this. ..guess coz I’m coming down and I’m depressed and need to redose before I get suicidal.

But yeah. This is my life.

More pain killers.
More…more more more.

If I don’t take them, I will fucking SNAP.

I don’t even know if my body can handle this dosage but I really don’t give a fuck at this point.
Because I can FEEL my body on the verge of snapping and having another tantrum like the other night and yelling at Tiffy and destroying things RIGHT after I got my bathroom back in order from the other tantrum.

I just need to calm the fuck down but these pk’s aren’t taking effect too quickly and I’m getting impatient and because I’m impulsive I’m going to take even more to speed up the process EVEN THOUGH THAT WON’T SPEED IT UP BUT I DON’T GIVE A FUCK BECAUSE I’M GOING TO FUCKING SNAP GODDAMNIT.

Hehe…my pupils are pinpoints. You can tell I’m on pks. XD

My mom got her pain killer prescription filled today. Immediately stole some.
Thank you god.
I was going to fucking slit my throat if I had to go another day without pks.
I honest to god was.

I’m happy now.
I’m okay now.
Everything is okay now!
I have pain killers in my system.

I couldn’t handle it.

Every single day… I would pace back and forth for about an hour and text and call people nonstop in the area asking for pain killers.
No one has enough to give away and no one has any for sale for another couple weeks.

And I’d lay there in bed at night and cry and claw at myself, wishing I had some.
I’d try my hardest not to mention it to anyone, but sometimes it would slip out and I’d end up asking Tiffy to send me some.

And then last night… …I snapped.
I absolutely snapped.
I snapped at Tiffy, saying HORRIBLE things …stuff like if she didn’t send me pills, she didn’t really love me. And if she trusted me, she’d send me pills. And completely ignoring her emotional distress. And I ended up yelling at her, ranting at her, and then I panicked.
I completely panicked, thinking she wasn’t going to send me some.
And I fucking destroyed my bathroom.
Ripped the shelf off the wall, ripped the bath towel out of the wall, threw my drawer organizer across the bathroom, slipped on the tile, ripped the shower head out of the wall, cut my leg on the bath head, ripped the soap thingy off, and then I crawled out, bleeding and bruised, and yelled at Tiffy some more and was threatening to off myself if she didn’t send me pills. Saying “You don’t love me! I’ll slit my throat if you don’t.” stupid stuff like that.
And the worst part is…I was willing to go to ANY lengths to get them …even if it meant hurting her. And I almost shattered my mirror.

I was so upset that I took the metal toilet paper holder and swung it at my mirror but right when it was about to collide, I blacked out and dropped it.
Hit my head on the wall, collapsed on the tile, and woke up seconds later so nauseous that I had to crawl to the toilet and immediately throw up.
I then collapsed on the floor, crying and shaking and clawing at my arms (which I now have claw marks all over them) and begging…well, idk who, but begging in tears for pain killers. No one was there but I just couldn’t stop begging.

Then I felt faint.
Really faint.

And passed out on the tile floor till about 5am this morning, when I woke up SO goddamn sore that I couldn’t even walk and crawled to my bed and curled up and went back to sleep for a couple hours.

And this morning I woke up so depressed and so in need of pain killers that I texted Tiffy being like “Name your price. I’ll send you money. I don’t know how but I will. Just fucking send me pills.” or something like that…then I went upstairs and frantically searched through my moms medicine drawer to find that she had FINALLY gotten her pain killer prescription refilled.

I immediately stole and downed a bunch of them…and now I feel better.
Calm. Happy. In control. Focused. Loved. Okay.

All because of a handfull of pain killers…… . .

What the fuck is wrong with me!?

When I walked into my bathroom after taking the pain killers, I just stopped. I stopped and stared at everything I had done last night…and slowly went through my text messages with Tiffy last night… and…
I just… I was so ashamed of myself…I don’t even know…

I didn’t think I was dependent on anything but… why the hell did I freak out like that?
I don’t understand. I absolutely LOST it last night and hurt the person I love. ..all over pills. ._.

I just…don’t fucking understand myself anymore.

So I don’t have access to any dealers for a little under a month and it’s driving me insane.
I’m sick of dxm and lsd coz that’s all I can get right now.

I’ve heard of people buying pain killers online and that’s exactly what I’m craving; pain killers.

I’m REALLY wary of buying anything online because I know how easy it is to get ripped off online. And I’m scared I’m gonna get found out and all this other bullshit. I’ve never bought anything online coz of those reasons. But I’m desperate enough right now to try to find a legitimate site that sells pain killers without prescriptions.

Does anyone know any?
Something that’s safe, a fair price, and quality…?

Seriously. If anyone can actually help me with this, I will be eternally grateful and do whatever the fuck you want me to.

“

Weiterlesen

My mom is going to fucking MURDER me when she gets home…

I got in huge trouble for stealing like…80 of her pain killers a little while ago.
And she keeps a number on them to make sure I don’t take any but…but I couldn’t help it this time. I intended to just take one or two from her. I REALLY did. But my mind kept telling me “One more won’t hurt…” until I had ten of them!

Then I panicked and rushed to the kitchen and downed them all as fast as I could and put her drawer back exactly how it was… …

Why can’t I fucking control myself!?

And I’m going back to stealing pills from my mother when she needs them! What the FUCK is wrong with me!? I thought I got over this stupid immature high school habit… …
Guess not… . .

I’m depressed as fuck and trying pretty hard not to cut myself.
I don’t want to. I don’t want to hurt myself.
I love Tiffy too much to hurt myself anymore… .but I’m so impulsive I don’t know if I can hold on much longer.
I want to take more pain killers….but I need to save them………..but I’m on the verge of caving………………….and I don’t know if it would kill me or not if I took more because I have a fucking LOT in my system right now…close to a lethal dose…

But I feel like I need it… like I need to take more and then I’ll feel okay. Like I need to take more to feel okay. Fuck, I just want to cry… . . I feel terrible emotionally …

Talk to me… . ?
I just…idk.
I’m trying to distract myself… .

So I think I’m reaaaaaaaaaaaaally fucked up right now…..
Nahhhhhhh.
I’m sober. I’m TOTALLY sober…. I promise I’m sober…….

I’M ON A NEAR LETHAL DOSE OF PAIN KILLERS RIGHT NOW
SO I’M SUPER SUPER TALKATIVE!!!!

SPEAK TO ME.
PLEASE? PLEASEEEE??????????

TALK TO MEEEE!!!!

THERE’S OVER 360 OF YOU.
I KNOW YOU CAN TAKE 5 SECONDS OUT OF YOUR DAY TO SEND ME A DAMN ASK.
SO FUCKIN’ DO ITTTT!!!!!

I take my antidepressant, allergy med, and another pill every day at 7. I take my migraine medication almost once a day, if not more. I do pain killers normally at a very high doseage (roxy’s, trams, or oxy’s) when I first wake up every morning and I snort coke throughout the day. Then when the pain killers start to wear off, I normally dose on anywhere from 20-60 pills of DXM. Every. Single. Day.
This is sometimes on top of drinking alcohol or taking other medicine as well. And this is ALL on top of eating one thing or nothing every day (because I’m an idiot and I naturally starve myself for weeks at a time).

It has been like this for weeks. Maybe months.

And I’m still perfectly fine.

What the fuck?
Does this not prove I’m immortal or something? Lmao.
Jeeze. Drugs love me as much as I love them.

So I was at my doctor’s today getting my anti-depressant situation sorted and to get my headache situation figured out.

She goes “So…your headaches are due to something very abnormal…so I can’t prescribe you migraine medicine right now.”

I was like “Well…what do you mean?”

And she was like “This might be an odd question but since you weren’t on any formal migraine meds, have you been, um…taking anything that I don’t know about in excess?”

I slowly shook my head no, not wanting to mention the excess DXM, roxy, tramadol, and cocaine I’ve been doing every single day…

Then she goes “Huh. That’s weird. Because the headaches you’re describing are exactly that of rebound headaches.”

I let out a laugh and was like “Rebound headaches? You mean withdrawals? Really? Are you accusing me of something here?” I was actually starting to get a little nervous at this point, thinking she wasn’t going to refill my pain killer prescription and blacklist me.

She immediately shook her head, though, and said something along the lines of “No no no, rebound headaches are just when you overuse a medicine and-“

I rolled my eyes at this point. “You mean withdrawals. You’re accusing me of having withdrawals.”

She shrugged slightly and was like “Isn’t rebound such a nicer word, though? Withdrawal has such a negative connotation.”

And right after that I asked her if she had any stronger pain killers than the ones I’m prescribed and she looked at and thought for a second and then was like “Um…not really.” Even though I know DAMN WELL that they do.

Ugh. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. .________________.
Stupid fuckin’ doctors, man…

Look at my fucking pupils! They are fuckin’ PINPOINTS. You can tell I’m on a fuckton of pain killers omg. xD

Might take pictures…cept I look like shit right now. But whatever.
Whenever I’m on the beach, I always have to take pictures. I love it so much.
Gonna go run on the jetties again.

I’m on a fuckton of pain killers. This should be fun. xD

Anyways, I love you all! Thank you for putting up with me and talking to me and stuff. c:

You know what would be even better!?
If you left something in my ask box for me to return to. c: [clickclickclick]
That would absolutely make my night! ♡