My day starts around 4pm-5pm normally. So it’s only 6:30 now. The effects of last nights drugs are starting to wear off a bit.
And I promised Tiffy that I would spend one day every week completely sober.
So…I guess today is the day because I’m out of drugs and don’t want to go get any more. And it will make her happy, I think…and I want her to be happy.
It’s just one day…
I should be able to do this…
So I think I’m reaaaaaaaaaaaaally fucked up right now…..
Nahhhhhhh.
I’m sober. I’m TOTALLY sober…. I promise I’m sober…….
So.
My life is basically shot to all hell right now till I get back to living with Tiffy…which now might take even longer than I had hoped because of stupid fucking bullshit.
Why did all these issues have to pop up now?
I’m so fucking glad I’m getting a bunch of fucking coke in a little bit.
I can’t handle being sober.
I just can’t.
I need to be on something 24/7 before I kill myself.
Today is the last few moments I’ll be spending sober for months…maybe years. I don’t know yet. Depends on what happens.
But fuck.
I’m so ready for this drawn out period of sobriety to be fucking over with.
I can’t handle this.
I never thought I’d get into coke. It’s just such a mild drug compared to what I normally do… I’ve only done it a few times, too. I just don’t like snorting things.. the burning sensation is really unpleasant and the drainage in the back of the throat sets off my gag reflex.. so I just never thought I’d do it much.
Yet upon arriving at my parents house finally, I got a call from an old dealer of mine that I used in high school who said he had a bunch of it and would set me up with a good discount if I bought from him. I know how he deals so I know he’s trustworthy so I said sure even though I’m not a big fan of coke.
But! The upside to doing coke all day everyday instead of dxm, x, and lsd is that I CAN be on it literally 24/7 without it fucking up my day or anything. The others I frequent make me incapable of really doing much other than tripping and enjoying myself. It’s also a HUGE hassle pretending to be sober on them.. whereas it’s easy for me while on coke.
Guess I’ll start doing that everyday since I can get some damn good deals….
Eh. Better idea. Coke during the day, trippy drugs at night. Yup.
No more sober time for me.
This is the last time you’ll be hearing me sober for a looooooooooong time.
